”Dear Molly. I love beeing you father. I love the fact that you chose me. You saved my life. You made me a complete person. You have made me the happiest human on earth.”
For you who read this, i must explain; I´m overwhelmed every single day by parenthood.
Nothing else matters. Almost. Well, at least not as much.
When combing my daughters hair before we´re off to daycare in the morning i feel complete.
She stands very still, in complete turst, concentrated on my efforts to sort her hair out.
To care for her is the greatest gift of all.
When her fingernails get to long, she´d tell me ”daddy, you forgot to cut my nails, i´ll get the scissors”.
She is counting on me to feed her, to dry her after we´ve gone swimming, to tell her what´s right, to answer all the small and big questions about anyting and nothing at all. She is relying on me to protect her 24/7, to never let go and to always be her anchor in life.
And i am. Everyday my heart jumps with joy from anticipation. I love her so much. I would give my life for her in an instant.
One day, not far from now, she will do all these little ordinary things herself. Not needing me to help her. Slowly she will get more and more independent. Eager and restless to handle lifes challenges on her own.
I wonder if she will still hold on to me in her heart. If she will know, that i will do anything for her for as long as i live.
But that´s all in the future.
She will still be needing me for a couple of years more. I will cherish every morning, every day i get with her. Everytime i get to wake her up, telling her it´s time for breakfast, seeing her eyes open up and with a sleepy smile she mumbles ”good morning daddy”.
On her first day in school, i´ll be there.
When she graduates, ill be there.
When she marries, i´ll be there.
Through all the joys and sorrows she will meet in life, i´ll be there.
Until i give up my breath, i´ll be there.
I wasn´t man enough to be there in that way for my two almost grownup sons when they were kids. I´m so sorry. I´m so sorry. I never knew. I couldn´t know. I just wasn´t fit, sane and mature enough. I was so young.
I can only try now.
I know now, that i finally learned how to be a father. A great father. For real.
This time, nothing else matters.